I have doubts about my relationship. Is it normal? - GG Apps
It's okay if a guy has doubts about us at any time during our relationship, but I just ask that he lets me know instead of holding it in. 1. I've got doubts too. The idea that if you were to date someone else you might find someone better is a siren song that's going to lead you to ruin, friend. It's natural. Doubt in relationships - why does it happen? Are your doubts dangerous, or could they be useful to you? And what can you do about doubt in.
Now I don't know what to do, am I being an idiot to give him another chance? Hi Vet Student, I'm not sure It sounds like being in a long distance relationship has had its ups and downs for you both, especially while you've not been able to travel to see each other for so long. With that said- you managed to work through the last hurdle which shows you both care about each other. Perhaps he said he had second thoughts because he couldn't physically be with you when he was going through a stressful time.
Maybe this is something he really craves when he feels worried about a situation. An interview is a stressful time anyway but combine that with not being able to talk to you about it face to face- it might have just been too overwhelming for him. Perhaps you are sensitive to it now you've heard him say once that he was unsure about the relationship. This may be why you thought it again last night. I also acknowledge that there may in the next year or two, be a time when the balance tips the other way, because I will be moving onto a different stage of my life then.
So in answer to your question, maybe just try to be patient and trust that if and when the time comes, those "nagging feelings" will reveal themselves to be stronger in favour of one course of action than another. Living with a certain amount of doubt and uncertainty is a pretty normal part of human existence really.
Sometimes the hardest thing is just to wait and do nothing at all! If you give yourself permission not to have to decide anything right at this moment, it might take the pressure off, and you find that you enjoy the time you have together more without having to put a time limit on it. Hope this doesn't sound preachy by the way. I don't want to be insensitive, but that sounds like a typical functioning relationship.
If it's the same problem over and over, then that's certainly cause for concern, but the cycle you describe looks really healthy as I read it. Maybe you could cut out the step where you avoid talking about it, and maybe whenever you feel like "oh no--doomed! Of course it's just frustrating that years into a strong and loving relationship, problems still come up, but it's natural and unless I'm reading your post wrong, you seem to have the right idea. I think these are just part of being a normal person, rather than warning signs of imminent relationship collapse.
Even Jimmy Carter admitted to having a roving eye and an active imagination. What you want to address are more fundamental questions, like what ejaned8 says: Are you happier than you would be otherwise? Does your day get better or worse when you interact? Is your partner supportive of your goals and dreams, or not? The point being, you need to be honest with yourself about how you feel and how this person fits or doesn't fit in your life, rather than getting knotted up over small details.
Relationships should develop and move forward in ways good for both people; stagnation is bad. A lot but hardly all of heterosexual couples follow a very defined relationship script. We've all seen the movie, right? Chatting leads to dating leads to humping leads to monogamy leads to cohabitation leads to engagement leads to marriage leads to kids and so on. Now, real life is more complicated, and even if that is the platonic model for some people, their actual practice varies a lot.
They have the kid, then get married. Or dating leads to humping leads to cheating leads to tears. But what matters is that there is a model in their head of how a relationship should progress, and in theory at least a relationship that doesn't progress can be worked on or discarded.
So, what is your model for how a relationship should progress? If you want marriage and 2. Or, if you model involves flying around the world and petting sea otters, what's the plan for making that happen? Doubt is normal and ok. Commitment is really scary, and the future is unknown.
It can feel a lot safer to break up because hey, in a year things could fall apart and then you'd be just as unhappy, right? And conversely, it can be easy to stay on when you shouldn't, because at least you have something. But if you check where things are now -- the way they really are, not the way the movie version of your life will portray them -- against your vision of how your relationship should be developing, that will probably tell you something.
Personally, I have doubts every day. And if things don't work out, I'll be devastated. But this relationship makes my life so much better, every day, in big things and small, that I'd be not just foolish but outright stupid to end it because of my doubts and fears.
Don't ignore or suppress your doubts -- confront them directly, and use them to take an honest look at your life and make sure it is one that you can be proud of. I'm not talking little pet peeves, because you can work on those. But if either one of you feels devalued, like your point is falling on deaf ears, there's your real problem. For all you know, that couple might usually be at each other's throats.
My Husband Has Doubts About Our Marriage: Is Having Doubts In A Relationship Normal
You saw them at their best behavior, in a public forum. You're falling into the "it should be just like in the movies" trap. Stop romanticizing other couple's relationships and focus on your own.
So, about your own relationship, here's the filter you're looking for: You really want to aim for that--progress, not perfection. That's realistic and doable, healthy and mature. But if you have the same issues over and over and go nowhere, and you only table the issue because you get tired of arguing and not because either of you have budged an inch, that's a huge red flag, and I'd say it's a good indication you need to move on.
Added to the mess is the fact that he's my first real boyfriend, and me thinking "shouldn't I see if something else out there is a better fit? One that seemed to stick was the realization that he never saw it as bad as I did. Here I was, thinking these things for days on end, and passively taking my frustrations out on him before things came to a head and I let it outand meanwhile he was just living happily, content to be in a wonderful relationship, but a bit worried about me being so withdrawn.
For him, the other person in the relationship, everything was fine. He wouldn't have even dreamed about breaking up with me.
And so I began to wonder a bit more if the problems weren't all in my head - how can he be having such a good relationship, and me not? And so I tried to think of things from his perspective, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Plus, I realized that I've got a temper, and a problem with over analyzing things. When I see things from his side, I see how completely he loves me, and that he doesn't mean any harm in any of the things he does, or forgets to do, whatever the case may be.
In the end, that's pretty great. To be loved like that, and to have what is for the most part a completely fantastic partner. And maybe some things could be better with someone else, but I'd be giving up the most wonderful thing that's happened to me just to see if I could get as good again. I finally gave up on thinking that we should break up when I tried to break up with him last year. I was in tears, thinking "this is it! In that moment I knew that the breakup option was off the table - I'd finally called my own bluff.
Try reading "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" though - the first bit talks about the difficulty in choosing the things we get in life. There is often a common theme in this scenario.
The women who contact me very often say the same types of things as this wife - that they were begging him not to go or were being overly accommodating, as though they were walking on eggshells. The vast majority tell me that these things don't work and seem to make no real difference.
And I think that one possible reason for this is that you are over doing it. When you almost apologize for yourself and for your marriage, you almost imply that there is something wrong with it and that this is all your fault. In turn, this makes him move away from you even more.20 Questions to Ask Yourself If You Have Doubts About Your Relationship
Of course, if you know there is something wrong in your marriage and you can pinpoint what it is, then it's best to address it quickly and efficiently so that he can see that things can and will change. And therefore, there is no need for him to take action.
What if your spouse don't love you anymore? If this just type of quick fix isn't possible or if the greater possibility is that his unhappiness has nothing to do with you, then the best thing that you can do is to be supportive, confident and upbeat. If you'd like to have a conversation about this, you might try something like: What can I do to make this better for you? If you'd like to talk, I'm here. And I'm committed to making our marriage as good as it can possibly be so that we are both happy.
You've made the offer that needs to be made, and hopefully he will be more forthcoming about what he needs from you. In the meantime though, it's become my belief that you are better off remaining upbeat and proactive than allowing your fear to get the better of you and heaping more stress unto the situation by constantly questioning or pressuring him about it.
You don't want to do anything that will ratchet up the negative emotions more than they already are. Sometimes, bringing positivity to the equation will do more good than you could have ever imagined. Sometimes, especially if his unhappiness had more to do with him than with you, then it will eventually pass. But now would be a good time to take inventory of your marriage and greatly improve upon what you can. Because even if this passes on its own, improving your marriage doesn't hurt it and is always beneficial.
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Are you in the middle of your marriage life and you feel like your husband is emotionally drifting away? Do you think he has already forgotten what he means to you?
Dealing With Doubts - Christian Dating, Singles
You are not alone. Some wives feel the same after about ten years of marriage. If you want your marriage to be successful, you will need to exert extra effort to keep the spark alive.
As a wife, you can make the first move and show your husband how much you love him. Do all your best to maintain connection with him.
Yes, this is easier said than done, especially if you are both busy with your careers. There are simple tricks to show your love and make him feel that each day can be special. Your marriage is not just a one-day ceremony. Here are some things you can do to work on it every day: Keep an Open Communication One of the best ways to make your husband feel special is through communication.
Share the good and bad things that happen to you. Allow him to know your plans, thoughts and worries. Ask him what he thinks and seek his advice occasionally. This will convey a message to him that he is your partner, and that you can always rely on each other. What if your spouse already left you? Here's how to get them back. Prepare a Surprise Gift While others give gifts only when there are special occasions like wedding anniversary, Valentine's Day and the like, try to give him something unexpected even when there is nothing to celebrate.
Dealing With Doubts
Buy the newest edition of his music or car magazine, for instance. You can also record his favorite television show or rent his all-time favorite movie and watch it with him. Prepare his favorite dish for dinner just because.
You can do all these without spending a lot of money - it's your thoughtfulness that he'll remember. Love Him for Who he Is You will only meet the real him once you start living with him. You will learn that there are things that he can't do and things that he can't give you.
Make your husband feel special by loving him for who he is. Accept what he can give you and what he can do for you. Don't try to change him to be someone else entirely. Compliment Your Husband As your relationship matures, there are simple things that wives tend to take for granted.
Men like to hear their wives compliment them openly.