So if you find that you're anxious in your new relationship, maybe there's a lack of authenticity. Start being yourself, and if your new partner. Basically, any form of insecurity within the intimate partner dynamic can cause relationship anxiety. It's a direct result of insecure feelings. Our relationships stir up old feelings from our past more than anything else. However, when someone has an anxious or preoccupied.
To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy. Get out before you get hurt. It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety.
Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it. When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner.
We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other. For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night.
Can you really believe her? She probably prefers being away from you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive. Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other.
When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think. In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal.
However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience.
How To Overcome Your Relationship Anxiety
Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else. When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions.
We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response. Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire.
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.
Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety. You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. He texted me later that night … and everything as just fine and normal! I easily could have spent that entire day driving myself half insane and for no reason! Anytime something like this would come up in our relationship, I would set a date to panic, and pretty much every time, whatever the problem was would resolve itself before I ever got to the day where I was allowed to freak out about it.
Soon enough, I realized that there was nothing to ever freak out about and I learned to just be calm and deal with things and not let stress overtake me because like I said, no good ever comes of it. For some reason, this basic revelation feels groundbreaking when spoken out loud. It feels like you will combust if he leaves. It feels easy and effortless and being together is just much better than not being together. You mesh, you click, you want the same things.
You will find someone who wants you and wants what you want. No matter what, when those panicked thoughts creep in, just remind yourself that you will be OK. Say it as many times as you need to until it really sinks in.
When I started dating my husband, I really made a solid attempt to not make the mistakes that just seemed to be my default, primarily, stressing and letting my anxieties run rampant. Before we started dating, I was talking to this guy who seemed promising. It was the summer and our schedules just never aligned and we had yet to actually go out, so he was just chilling on the back burner … And there was this other guy who lived down south who was friends with my brother that I had been talking to all summer.
He was trying to plan a weekend to come up and meet me, and I kept that door open as well.
I followed my own advice: And I allowed myself to mentally consider the possible ways my story could unfold. Or the guy from the South, the guy who is friends with my brother who actually found me on a dating site and we later made the connection … and both got mad at my brother for not thinking to make the introduction, that would be a cute story!
You have control over your mind This is a common mistake. We think we have no control. We think our mind runs the show and we let it steer us in any which way, down even the darkest most destructive paths. Why do we allow this?! The problem with all these feelings and behaviors is that they keep you from realizing true intimacy because you are living in fear and anxiety, and you may not even consciously realize it.
I started doing some research. I read a few books including Insecure in Love. One day I woke up and it had been two days since I had heard from my boyfriend. My body started going into panic mode. How can he do this? Maybe I should just leave him.
Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop - Tiny Buddha
My body and mind were going into panic mode. What should I do? I decided to sit with the anxiety and think about why I was feeling anxious. What did I really feel? Why was I so anxious? Where was this coming from? As I sat there and began to go deeper into the true meaning of my anxiety, I realized that I was literally feeling scared that someone would come hurt me.
I was scared of being physically and emotionally alone and having no one there to rescue me. I cried because I was scared. I was actually really petrified.
You will be okay. You are not there anymore. I had faced my fears. I had felt my pain and I had released it. Keep Trying I thought I had dealt with all of this anxiety and insecurity stuff.
I thought it was gone and buried.
I thought I had made inroads into my new relationship and that because I had attracted a seemingly secure individual, it meant I was all better. Insecurity was still running my life.
But, once I realized this to be true I made a vow that I would do whatever it takes to beat this insecurity over the head and run it out of my life. I realized that if I kept going the way I was I would eventually push every boyfriend out of my life, and that I would never find a partner I was happy and content with.