How to get over jealousy in a poly relationship

There's no trick to make your jealousy evaporate overnight, but over time, you can learn how to keep it to a healthy dose. If I'm honest with myself, my concern about jealousy was something Contrary to what many people think, polyamorous people can definitely get jealous. for dealing with jealousy while you're in a polyamorous relationship. Some poly people may have primary partners they're in relationships with and then see other people as well. Some may have many equally.

You no longer have this perceived protection, and have to actually pay attention to your relationship and deal with things like jealousy.

Advice from a polyamory coach on dealing with relationship jealousy

In small doses, it can be a sign that you care about your partner. In fact, some research suggests that mild jealousy is even linked to a stronger relationship. Classic tricks like journaling or taking deep breaths may help quiet your internal alarm, but Blue recommends something else: Some people may find they carry it in their shoulders; others experience a sinking feeling in their chest, or heaviness in their gut.

how to get over jealousy in a poly relationship

Finding the bodily manifestation of the emotion can help you calm down — which, in turn, leaves you free to turn your attention to investigating what made you feel that way. Once you pinpoint the root of your jealousy, you can begin to move on from it. Recognise your cognitive traps At one point or another, we all fall victim to cognitive traps that turn a neutral situation into a crisis.

Yet another is fortune-telling, when you predict the future actions of your partner and imagine them leaving you. Force yourself to get comfortable with the unknown A key component of jealousy is what psychologists call intolerance to uncertainty; those who are especially sensitive to it may try to fill the information gap by coming up with negative stories. It includes the idea that heterosexual, married, monogamous relationships are desirable, and that transactional, non-traditional, queer, unmarried, non-monogamous relationships are unhealthy and abnormal.

Polyamorous Dating: 5 Tips For Dealing With Jealousy

Heteronormativity also tells us how our relationships should work. This includes telling us how we should think and feel about jealousy.

how to get over jealousy in a poly relationship

When we think critically about societal ideas around jealousy, we are more capable of unlearning them. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate Tackling the cause of your jealousy will probably require you and your partner to work together. Negative feelings usually arise from a need. Figure out what you need from your partner and ask for it. If you struggle to bring up the topic of jealousy in your relationship, a few things you might say to get the dialogue rolling is: Is it possible for us to schedule more time together?

Maybe the three of us can hang out sometime? Give me some time to figure it out.

Polyamory Experts On Dealing With Jealousy

Can you stop doing that for a little while until I figure out why? Discussing jealousy will probably make you feel more secure and in control. Do they have musical talent?

how to get over jealousy in a poly relationship

Are they prettier, smarter, or more emotionally stable than what I am? Are they less needy and dependent than me? Yup — internalized classism is very real. These things which I sometimes perceive to be failures make me feel pretty useless and undesirable. You can both be just as awesome as one another.

Polyamorous Dating: 5 Tips For Dealing With Jealousy - Everyday Feminism

Give yourself plenty of healing and kind affirmations. Think about why your partner started dating you. Did they think you were thoughtful and sweet? Did they love how motivated you were? Were they attracted to your passion for your career?

Advice from a polyamory coach on dealing with relationship jealousy | SBS Sexuality

Start recognizing those beautiful characteristics within yourself. But it definitely is possible to deal with the feeling in a constructive and healthy way if you put in effort and try to be thoughtful and introspective. After all, dealing with this difficult issue is imperative to having a healthy, happy relationship — with your partner s as well as with yourself. Follow her on Twitter sianfergs.

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how to get over jealousy in a poly relationship

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