How Not to Lose Yourself In a Relationship – P.S. I Love You
We're all guilty of losing ourselves a little when we're in a new relationship. You' re dating someone new, and the novelty hasn't worn off yet. There's butterflies!. Your relationship with yourself is likely the cause. We can only connect with people as deeply as we're able to connect with ourselves. Self-respect is essential for any healthy relationship. But when working with individuals in their search for love, I'm still always surprised to hear a common.
What do I need today? How can I be loving with myself today? Follow the answers, as they will help you be more loving and respectful of yourself. Operate from a loving, compassionate place within yourself. Honor your own needs and feelings. Be kind to yourself. Set some powerful boundaries to protect your time and energy. Become your own cheerleader.
Listen to your own intuition. You come first, everything else comes after. Make your own wellbeing a priority. Put yourself first when you can. Make yourself important in your own life. When you start following the path of self-love you will start showing up differently in your life and your relationships.
Know who you are. This knowledge will prevent you from compromising too much in a relationship. Your strong sense of self will help you stick to what is truly important to you.
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This will give you a sense of security, which comes from within and not from your relationship. I have two little exercises that will help you get to know and understand yourself and your needs better.
Create a list of your current needs. Grab a piece of paper and create four columns. Take your time and explore what you need in these four categories to feel fulfilled. Write down your top five to ten priorities. List them in order of importance. These exercises will give you a stronger direction in life and help you explore what is truly important to you. It makes sense to revisit them occasionally, since things will likely change over time.
Your needs will be different a few months down the line.
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Your priorities will be different, as we are always growing and evolving. Know your non-negotiables in relationships. And communicate them so your partner knows and respects your limits. Healthy boundaries will make you feel stronger and more empowered in your next relationship. Healthy boundaries prevent you from losing yourself in love. Have your own friends. Schedule regular time with them. You need some other perspective. Have your own life. Make time for the things you love doing.
Make them your priority because they contribute to your happiness, so they are just as important as your relationship. Keep some hobbies you only do on your own or with people other than your partner. Plan some time every week when you do things separately. Cultivate a spiritual practice. Stick to your exercise routine. Doing things on your own will help you stay connected to yourself and cultivate a sense of self.
It will also keep your relationship fresh. No relationship can fulfill all your needs and desires. That is why you need different things in your life, apart from your relationship, to keep you growing and expanding in new directions.
Also, the time you spend on your own will help you nurture the relationship with yourself and keep your independence. Stay true to yourself. Also, make some independent decisions.
Tell them how you feel. All of these will help your partner to understand you better. Talk about how you feel. Talk about what you like and dislike.
Even tell your new partner that you are afraid of losing yourself in the relationship again. I did and my partner supported me in trying to maintain my own identity. Honest and open communication will only bring your closer. You can only improve a relationship when you know what is not working. Stop the over giving and accommodating. Over giving usually comes from not seeing your own value and seeking approval.
We believe the more we give, the more love we will get back from our partner. In the long run, it is a sure way to increase resentment and feel taken for granted. You consistently ignore your own needs and desires within the relationship. You frequently look to your partner to bring you happiness instead of looking within to be content.
So why do we lose ourselves in relationship? Reading the list above sounds absolutely awful and begs the question: How does this happen? Why do you lose yourself in relationship? The answer is Attachment.
You became attached to your partner and addicted to them under the false pretense that they could fill up something that is empty within you. Many Spiritual teachings say that this empty feeling began at birth. Maybe your partner made you feel amazing at the beginning of your relationship.
You felt wanted, desired, loved, and whole. Then, like a drug addict who turns to stealing in order to support their habit, you kept chasing after that amazing feeling even though it was no longer there. You kept running to your partner thinking they would bring you that good feeling again when in fact you were only running farther and farther from yourself.
You might have also adopted the habit of acting in ways you think others want you to act from your relationship with your parents or primary caregivers in early childhood. Perhaps at a very early age you decided that you would do anything to please your parents — including deciphering which version of you got them to love and acknowledge you the most. You learned to play a role with those closest to you in order to win their love instead of simply being yourself, and this behavior was repeated in your romantic relationship s.
This means your primary caregiver was not able to meet your unique desires and physical or emotional needs when you were a baby. Or maybe you were forced into bed at 7pm every night, regardless of whether you were tired or not. Perhaps you had no choice of what clothes you wore from day to day. From these kinds of occurrences, you learned to defer your instinctual needs and desires to your caretakers and loved ones.
How to find yourself again Now that you understand more about why you lost yourself in your relationship, it begs the question: How do you connect to our own internal needs to find yourself again? Practice getting in touch with yourself and connecting to your own needs every single day.
Here are some tips and tools for you to practice finding yourself again: You might feel you need to only drink fruit smoothies for the day or that you need indulge in that piece of chocolate cake.
You might need to take time off from work to hit the beach, or put in a hour day to get a task complete. You may need to call your best friend or turn off your phone.
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Trust your own internal messages to develop a strong sense of yourself and your desires. What do I desire? If you could be your Ideal parent, you would probably do some of the following things: Give yourself space to explore Life. Acknowledge yourself for a job well done. Have true compassion for yourself.