How to become emotionally available for a relationship

how to become emotionally available for a relationship

Often, when we have trouble in our relationships, it's tempting to if you are emotionally unavailable, or what the signs of being emotionally. One of the biggest killers in a relationship is being emotionally unavailable. And there's no getting around the fact that emotional unavailability. Becoming emotionally available requires effort. failed relationships, and lack of growth in becoming more emotionally available is downright.

Emotional interdependency means that you should both be able to open up to one another about anything at all. But one when side starts becoming closed off, it can lead the other side to start feeling neglected and deeply undervalued. You need to be able to reopen those lines of communication and emotional connection. Just follow the tips that are going to be listed on here to give you an idea on how to fix these problems in your relationship.

Reassess all of your beliefs and expectations surrounding yourself and the relationship. Take a look at your relationship and try to see how you add to the relationship. Try to figure out how much value you add to your love. Also take a look at the expectations that you set for yourself as a lover.

Sometimes, a lot of emotional unavailability can stem from withholding expectations from one another.

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Open up about your expectations and make sure that they mesh well together. Leave no secrets untold. Stop being secretive about everything.

Always be willing to come clean with the truth no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable it might make you. Make it a point to devote time exclusively for the relationship. Time is important and undervalued a lot. Make sure that you always make it a point to spend time with one another; quality time without any distractions or disruptions. Own up to your feelings and your emotions. Be accountable for how you feel. Note what you avoid and the boundaries that you suddenly forget — this is your Relationship Character.

5 Ways to Stop Being Emotionally Unavailable

Any role you play is a block to intimacy so losing the mask makes you emotionally available. Identify your common frustrations including the things that you consistently complain about —these are all things that you need to be and do for yourself.

If it frustrates you that partners, friends etc. If you feel unheard, where are you not listening to you? Get conscious about your habits. Spend a week or two evaluating your daily routine.

How much of your time is spent being truly present and connected to you and your life? How much of your time is spent feeling pissed off but then feeling powerless to do anything about it? Are there any habits that are having a knock-on effect on your wellbeing? For example, I have a client who was anaesthetising with food and drink because she was demoralised by her work. Are you overdoing something in your life?

how to become emotionally available for a relationship

Eating uncomfortable feelings or silencing the words that might slip out with food, drink, drugs etc. Compassionately exploring these habits, possibly with the help of a professional, will help you to address the baggage behind these habits but also help put you back in touch with yourself.

Take a dating hiatus. If you tend to lose yourself in relationships or you get very triggered by dating, taking a clean break, so no collecting attention online, texting loose connections or exes, or sex, gives you the space to get into a monogamous relationship with you. You will learn a hell of a lot about yourself during this time, including where you might have been using romantic attention as an escape from uncomfortable feelings.

Read more about dating hiatuses. Delete exes from your phone. Instigate No Contact with toxic exes and any ex who triggers you into being less than your authentic self.

Worrying about the feelings of someone who does not treat you without love, care, trust and respect, is over-feeling, which, ironically, is you being unavailable to your feelings. This brings me neatly to… Own your own and let others own theirs. How does that work? Going ahead and saying yes will mean ignoring your feelings and ignoring reality. Are you afraid of losing independence or being too independent?

5 Ways That You Can Become More Emotionally Available To Your Partner

Committing to identifying the baggage behind your pattern is about acknowledging which experiences from earlier in life taught you to fear losing independence or to fear abandonment. Buy a book or several on the subject, and make sure you read them.

Identify what dating and relationships, so going online, being in a relationship, or even the drama that unfolds during or after is distracting you from.

Who have you felt pissed off, resentful about, disappointed and hurt by for longer than a few weeks? We only have so much space. The more anger we have, the less space there is for 1 self-esteem and 2 loving relationships. What needs to happen for you to process that anger?

Is there anything that you can choose to be done with right now? Download my free Unsent Letter and Letters To Your Younger Self guideswhich are all about processing and releasing anger so that you can forgive you and move forward.

What do you feel the need to protect you from happening again?

5 Ways to Stop Being Emotionally Unavailable | Her Campus

I acknowledge my part no matter how teeny tiny it might be in what went down and I recognise the healthy boundary I need to ensure that I am not open to that situation going down in the same way that it did before.

Got a busy head? Feeling anxious, confused, resentful, worn out etc? Be available to your emotions and what is going on in your life.

Start by answering the question, How am I doing today? You can download my free journaling tips. Also, check out Days of Baggage Reclaim which has one hundred lessons including tips, tools and journaling prompts, to help you grow your self-esteem and become more emotionally available by building an emotional connection with you.

Write to your intuition and ask questions. Make a note of the ego stuff in brackets so that you come to know the difference and are more available to your inner truth. Note the highlights — this opens up your perspective and range of emotions. Noting the good things that have happened brings perspective and gratitude to each day, having a profound impact on your emotional wellbeing.

If this is you, it is time to let go. Holding on to your ex in this way is secretly a means of protecting you from having to feel, grieve and move forward. See 17 and Cut your hinting in half. Hinting is not only a form of indirect communication but also passive aggression. Save your hinting for surprises, not for what you want to get across.

how to become emotionally available for a relationship

If you cut it in half, it will feel super weird on the other occasions when you try to hint. Got something that you need to say but tempted to bung it in a text or super long email? Pick up the phone or meet up with the person.

Emotional Unavailability

And yes, it is OK for people to not always be able to help but in other instances, people will be able to. Been telling a story over and over again? Catch yourself next time and be vulnerable enough to entertain the feelings behind it or to talk about something else. Remember that empathy is very different from over-empathy. Practice genuine compassion and empathy. Mean to you but consider yourself empathetic and compassionate with others?

I hate to break it to you, but lacking empathy and compassion for you while claiming to do it for others, is emotional unavailability. Nobody is an authority over you and if you genuinely want to be emotionally available, engage with people on a level instead of coming from a place of inferiority or superiority.

This leads neatly to… Make your family human, and that includes your parents, who each have a backstory. Engage with your family members based on them being human not based on roles, which again, are a block to intimacy. Giving up roles allows you to develop emotionally and become more of who you really are.

Check up on your motivations. Consistently doing things with a hidden agenda, no matter how well intended, is the domain of the emotionally unavailable. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. If not, you need to be honest with the person about your intentions and expectations, or you need to revise your motivations.