13 Ground Rules for Resolving Conflict in Marriage. This entry Take a break if the conversation gets loud or emotions are escalating. Do not. 5 Rules to Resolve Relationship Conflicts If one person becomes too emotional, taking a break is the best Instead of focusing only on your own wants and needs in an argument, try focusing on finding common ground. If things got out of control, suggest to take a short break to calm down and One may imagine that by avoiding conflict, they make the relationship more stable.
Focus on the main thing and see it through to a resolution. As you keep the main thing the main thing, also remain in the present situation. Maybe this has happened before, maybe many times before. Resist the urge to bring up all the times in the past when the same situation has occurred.
16 Ways to Fight Fair in Relationships | | Spence Counseling Center
Even in a court of law, only certain references to past behavior are allowed. Stay focused and stay in the present.
Attacking your spouse in a way that is belittling or critical of his or her character is not acceptable. Remember that your goal is to resolve the conflict, not annihilate your spouse in the process.
It is easy to be flip or uncaring if your spouse responds in an unexpected way or starts to get defensive. Resist the urge to sink to sarcasm or hurtful words when the conversation gets hard. Resist the temptation to generalize. This is a sure sign that the conversation is declining quickly and will certainly get a rise out of your spouse.
If your spouse is attempting to tell his or her side of the story, do your best to understand his or her point of view.
Seek to understand what his or her thoughts and feelings are. Let your spouse speak without interruption. Even if you are the one who feels wronged by your spouse, do not monopolize the conversation.
16 Ways to Fight Fair in Relationships
Resist the urge to speak your mind then shut down. Be respectful and do not interrupt. Men especially will start to shut down verbally and emotionally if they feel disrespected by interruptions. Take a break if the conversation gets loud or emotions are escalating.
Do not drop the conversation completely, but there are times when it is best to revisit the issue at a later date when cooler heads prevail.
13 Ground Rules for Resolving Conflict in Marriage | Life, Love, and the Pursuit of Happiness
Leave the conversation on a positive note and set a time to come back together to talk. Remember that your perception of the situation could be wrong. Limit this fighting to this subject. Do not throw every other problem into it; tackle each problem separately. Invite the other person to share their viewpoint: Be careful not to interrupt, and sincerely try to hear the concerns he or she is trying to express.
Fighting Fair to Resolve Conflict
Try to paraphrase what you heard in a way that lets your partner-in-conflict know you fully understand, and ask your partner to do the same for you. Attacking areas of personal sensitivity creates an atmosphere of distrust, anger, and vulnerability. Bring the fight to a mutual conclusion. Otherwise, it will just recur again and again.
Be willing to compromise. Allowing the other person only one option makes it challenging to resolve the issue. If one person wins, the other person begins to build resentment about the relationship.Rules of Taking a Break and Getting Back Together
That destroys rather than builds the relationship. It is a response for men as well as women. Try not to overreact to difficult situations. By remaining calm it is more likely that your fighting partner will consider your viewpoint.
Express feelings in words, not actions: If you start to feel so angry or upset that you feel you may lose control, it may be time to pause the fight for a bit until you feel you can calmly discuss the issue again. Accusations will lead others to focus on defending themselves rather than on understanding you. Try not to generalize: Then be specific about what is bothering you.
Vague complaints are hard to work on. Positive results can only be attained with two-way communication. When one person becomes silent and stops responding to the other, frustration and anger can result by both parties.
However, if you feel yourself getting overwhelmed or shutting down, you may need to take a break from the discussion. Just let your partner know you will return to the conversation as soon as you are able and set a time to follow-up. Establish common ground rules. You may even want to ask your partner-in-conflict to read and discuss this information with you so that resolution becomes much more likely.
Physical violence violates all of the above rules for fighting by mutual consent. Remember, a fight has the purpose of clearing the air and expressing deep feelings in order to build a more unified life.